Desires and responsibilities

So i watched the movie samsara (2001), and it hit me so hard when i heard the line, “What is more important: satisfying one thousand desires or conquering just one.”

It feels like I unlearned the things when i was most satisfied with my life, when i had my mind in control. But after a while it gets boring, and I was not even ready to charter into the space of spiritual territory. I was still young, around 20 years of age when I realized that I am pretty much happy with the way I am, I used to worry less, i had my desires under control. I used to meditate whenever I like, and most important of all, I was contented with the circumstances I was in. I didn’t try to force myself into some situation, I was literally going with the flow and I used to jokingly annoy my friends saying, I am over my worries, let me help you with yours 🙂

But that made my ego over inflated after a while, I used to be in charge of my life and my thoughts, and I thought I was just as cool as any god out there, doing things I want to and moreover I was annoying people with my new found enlightenment. I caught myself being uber spiritual and then I realized I need to go back to being a mere mortal and enjoy my life through my senses.

Then I get lost and deeper into seeking pleasure through my senses, and willingly get trapped by it. I suddenly had more increase in my desires, although I was fulfilling my responsibilities, my hunt for thrill seeking didn’t stop there at all. Pleasure is momentary, peace is serenity and echoes for eternity.
Suddenly today, i tried to find answers in my past, the way it used to be. I am no different than before or improved version of myself, but now I’m learning how to balance both sides of me. Trying to recuperate with the material way of life and spiritual way of thinking.

The way that god or buddha or the enlightened ones showed us were more relevant during their times, in our times we can’t deny the technological advancements and the way the world is progressing with industrial marvels and artistic wonder. We are sons and daughters of nature, we can’t fight it, we can only progress by understanding the world around us and trying to be less impactful and leave less footprint as possible.

It is so good, when nobody notices you leaving or entering the room, there is a calm and soothing sensation just in knowing that, you are neither seeking attention, neither bothering anyone with your presence. To disappear completely is impossible, without leaving any traces of our existence behind, we can only minimize it.

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